Growing Up Is Hard To Do

Recently I came to the realization that I had to put my ‘big girl pants’ on. It was time I started being more of a grown up. I’m talking about, retirement. It is not that far away and I am not ready financially. I waited way too long to get serious about saving money.  I’m afraid that I will not have enough put away and/or invested, by the time it actually happens.  I know I’m not alone in this, and I know that much of the country feels the same way (from articles I read in the paper and on line).  However, that doesn’t make me feel any more secure in my not knowing.  I live in a state and county, that people are leaving in droves, partly because we have the highest property taxes in the country! Unfortunately, I am not in a position to be able to leave just yet.  Retirement and finances have been consuming my every waking thought for months now.  However, every now and then, a few other random thoughts do sneak in!

Of course those thoughts are of travel. Although, those thoughts of travel are combined with thoughts of retirement. Namely, research on places to retire and making short trips to said places to check it out. Unfortunately I am all over the map at the moment and will need to start focusing on areas.  No surprise, every place I look, is very near to the sea. It has to be. The sea is so vital to my well being. It is becoming more so as times goes on.  I can’t imagine living away from it for much longer. Since I don’t know how much travel will be feasible once I retire, I can’t get my fix that way. So, I need to live very close by.  I would love to live right on the water, to be able to look out the window and step out my door and it is right there.  That is the real dream.  I have come to realize that to do so, requires quite a bit of cash not to mention things like flooding resulting in high insurance,  hurricane damage etc, that make living on the ocean, not entirely realistic for me.  It doesn’t keep me from looking in other parts of the world where it can be more feasible 🙂 Costa Rica is very intriguing as is the Yucatan in Mexico.

Italy keeps calling my name as well.  She never stopped really.  I had a trip planned last year, 2016, reservations and everything.  Knee surgeries put an end to that and I thought about doing it this year.  The call of the sea has been over whelming in the past 6 months, especially after my trip to California in January.  I knew that this year, I needed to concentrate on that. It literally is what is best for me.  I know it will help with the depression that I’ve been in for quite a while now.  But back to Italy…I had tentatively planned to do that this year but had quite a bit of trepidation.  Has to do with the increased difficulty physically and with Cognitive Function as that is the way the MS presents itself to me the last several years.   It became just too much to even consider doing a trip alone.  The issues that it causes are difficult enough here in the States, but in another country, where so many other variables are a factor, well, let’s just say it would not be wise.

BUT, I am going to have to find a way to do that next year.  I say that here and now, and really hope that it can happen. I know that many people feel that if you really want something bad enough, you can make it happen no matter what.  There are people who can indeed do that, I am not one of them.  Maybe I’m not brave enough? Maybe I’m not strong enough? I just know my limitations and I know what’s best for me.  I have been known to just plow through things, to do things and worry about consequences later,  to be stubborn enough to do what I want to do knowing that it isn’t what’s best for me.  I was younger when I did many of those things and despite what others may say, age does have a great deal to do with what I am able to do or not do. Perhaps it isn’t just ‘age’ and I shouldn’t simplify it that way.  It is certainly a big factor however.

When I see a photo of the sea, watch a program or movie that shows the sea, I get misty eyed.  I get a feeling that washes over me that I can’t quite explain.  When I see these things showing Italy, I can’t breathe.  I get a catch in my throat as my heart leaps into it. Again, a feeling there are no words for, washes over me.   I’ve written quite a bit about Venice in my Blog and it is Venice, along with Florence, that really tug at me even since I left.  There are many places that I want to visit in Italy, but it is these 2 cities, that I have a driving need to return to.  To that end, it is there, that I concentrate on returning next year.  I feel that it could very well be the last time I am able to get to Italy, and there is something in these 2 places, especially Venice, that I must get out of my system for lack of a better explanation. If I don’t I will regret it I know.  Now comes figuring out how to make that happen, how to over come some things or figure out alternative measures?

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